A Travellerspoint blog

Sickening Jamaican Couples

First stop. Just three days to go!

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It kind of makes me puke up a little bit in my mouth when I say it out loud, but the man and I are staying a Couple's only resort once we hit the Caribbean shores of Jamaica. ON WEDNESDAY (yay!) No screaming kids running round threatening to piss in the pool, no ancient grandmas knocking over the buffet with their bingo wings, and no fat chavvy pregger birds spilling rolls of doughy muffin top over badly fitting hot pants (we hope - people like that aren't in couples, and if they are... well, they wouldn't be in Jamaica, darling).

At first the images in my head, of lounging blondes sipping rum cocktails from coconut shells in front of a shimmering aqua sea made me feel a little giddy - could I actually be heading to a scene from a Sandal's brochure?!? I remember the ads on TV with their soft, lapping waves on snow white sand and cheesy love songs, coupled by images of... well... couples as they floated on inflatable lilos, gazing into one another's eyes - not a hair out of place, not a scrap of watery mascara running down the woman's face. Could that really be me? Let's forget that I had to throw away my mascara last week as it went all blotchy after I took it on a plane. Maybelline doesn't do flying any better than me, it would seem. I'm not glamourous enough even to have bought a new mascara yet, but still,... could that be me?!

This particular Couple's resort has just been re-opened after a 30 million dollar renovation, and promises us a place where: "scenes of natural beauty intermingle with exquisitely appointed rooms and endless amenities to transport you to a world that is equal parts Jamaican paradise and ’50s Hollywood hangout." OOOOOOOOH!!!

Better still, everything's freeeeeee! Well, it seems like it's free as you pay a whack up front, but once you're there you can go horse-riding, walk the Dunns River Falls, order 19 pina coladas to your bathtub, demand a lobster tale with chocolate syrup to your bed, and request a free re-stocking of liquer to your minibar. Wahey!!! 24 HOURS A DAY. If we're lucky, we'll manage to avoid the hordes of honeymooning Americans wanting to "buddy up" for dinner and remain true to the snobs we are - only venturing out when the mood suits.

We're thinking of it as a relaxing, wind-down period from the spoilt lifestyle we've been living in Dubai. Course, we deserve it. After this we have to go build houses and share a microwave with poor people in Costa Rica...

Posted by beckywicks 23:30 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

FLYING COCKROACHES

(You need a sub head for THAT??)

The excitement about the volunteer project has made its way to hesitation, and all the way through to fear. Am I actually ready to live at the base of an active volcano? And more to the point...er... am I ready to deal with things like THIS:
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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

This is the Costa Rican Wolf Spider, which may or may not appear at any moment during the course of our two week experience.

Now. This does not please me. This does not please me at all. I hate spiders with a passion that knows no bounds. But this is not even a spider. This is Satan’s fucking SIDEKICK. It’s got longer legs than me, and more hair under its arms than a German hippy. If I woke up with that next to me on the pillow I would die. No. It would die. And then I would die. Fact.

I’ve spent a good hour or two perusing the pages of various bug and insect websites – this one is particularly good, made by an expat who lives there, married to a local and is therefore used to dealing with such BEASTS. Apparently, cockroaches in Costa Rica can FLY. He's seen them.

MUMMY!!!!

Posted by beckywicks 04:26 Comments (0)

The little house that Becky built

Do volunteer builders get manicures?

So the second port of call on our trip is with an association called i-to-i, who are sending us to Costa Rica on August 16th to build houses. Like I said before, we’ve been wanting to “give something back” after living what some may call quite a privileged lifestyle in Dubai… (ahem) and this charity allows volunteers like us to live with Costa Rican families, who will feed us rice and beans three times a day and, according to the trip-notes, provide us with “a microwave” and “hot water”. I’m assuming we won’t be expected to heat the aforementioned rice and beans ourselves in the aforementioned microwave. I haven’t even washed my own dishes in a year and a half, let alone attempted to re-heat any food I haven’t cooked.

The family who are kindly giving us their guest room in their house near the active Arenal volcano, have three children and a dog and we’re expected to buy the children some gifts. This is fair enough, seeing as we’ll be using all their hot water and microwave. We’re waiting to hear back from our “country advisor” on how old they are before we buy anything. Presenting a 23 year old with crayons would look silly in any culture, and I sure as hell don’t know the Spanish for “Sorry but that’s all Carrefour had at such late notice; you should be glad I didn’t bring you an ornate camel”. I actually had one of those, before I shipped it home for the ‘rents to enjoy yesterday. Sigh. Everything’s changing.

At first, the idea of house-building was quite a romantic one, in my head. I would of course show up looking cute, tanned and ready to rock with a matching hat and drill set. My toned ass wouldn’t sag at all below my Jess Simpson style hot pants as all the Costa Rican boys sat about bare-chested, marveling along with my man at my instant ability to speak Spanish AND throw a wall on the side of a house without breaking a sweat. In reality of course, my man will be lifting bricks, operating heavy machinery and mixing cement, while I’ll be crouched on the ground, pulling weeds out.

I thought for a minute, maybe we’ll all get our OWN house to build?? How exciting! Although, mine would inevitably look like this:
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Whilst my perfectionist man’s would, of course look like this:
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We’re also traveling in the rainy season, which means we’re having to buy macs and waterproof jackets. Not very sexy. Shorts aren’t advised – it’s khakis all the way. But hopefully my mani/pedi won’t get too scuffed as I’ll also be wearing some hip working gloves and chunky boots (with thick socks to keep the critters out). Hurrah!

The truth is, I don't actually know WHAT to expect. Either way, I reckon it’s all gonna be quite an eye-opening experience. Especially if the volcano erupts.

Posted by beckywicks 03:08 Archived in Costa Rica Tagged ecotourism Comments (0)

Leaving, on several jetplanes...

but the shipper's are a shitting rip off!

The shippers came this morning - bloody expensive to cart a matter of 5 or 6 cardboard boxes across the sea, jaaaysus! 3000 dirhams! That's probably more than the total cost of all the Primark clothes they actually took away with them. (sigh) Anyway, no point in moaning,... they came to take the clothes because the man and I are off on an adventure - waheey! For those I haven't bored with the details yet, to put it simply, we're going from Dubai to Jamaica, to Cuba (hopefully, not booked that part yet), to Costa Rica, to Vegas, to San Fran, to LA.... and then I'm heading onto New Orleans and New York before coming back. YAY!!

It took a while to get it all finalised, but it's sorted now. We knows who's going where and for how long - we even know flight seat numbers. Well... the man does. A seat is a seat to me. As long as it reclines fully horizontal with a 20 inch screen and selection of chick flicks to keep me going as I laugh too loudly thanks to a constant supply of champagne, then I'll be mildly content with traveling 15 hours solid from the middle of the world to... the left of it. Oh fuck off, Dubai has NOT spoilt me.

It's my last day at work tomorrow. Some might say quitting in the midst of a global recession was a bit of a stupid idea but... well,... yeah it was, probably, but if I'm brutally honest, I'm sort of past caring. Life's too short. And we're going to give something back to the world instead of all this "take take take" that I feel Dubai has been instilling in my innocent world. Evil! As of tomorrow, I am officially "freelance". Just another word for "unemployed" really, but sounds better. Don't forget to give me all your writing assignments so I can continue dodging the poverty line as my champers glass is re-filled and I tune into Twilight for the 90th time...

Posted by beckywicks 06:38 Archived in United Arab Emirates Comments (0)

Clubbing in Dunedin

Only kidding. Just the seals.

Posted by beckywicks 05:49 Archived in New Zealand Comments (0)

How to climb a mountain in flip flops

The Wicks' attempt a hike in New Zealand...

We're all still here so you know we survived (my annoying commentary!!!)

Posted by beckywicks 05:42 Archived in New Zealand Comments (0)

The "sights" of Bondi

YAY it works! Might as well put a few more on then. No use them hiding on You Tube. Behold the true glory of Bondi Beach...

Posted by beckywicks 05:33 Archived in Australia Comments (0)

Indiana Dad

You've gotta love 'archives'

Seeing as this is going to be a bit of a "travel" blog (we always start with good intentions) I thought I'd have a play with uploading some of the videos I made a few years back, when we took a family holiday to New Zealand. Let's see if it works...

Posted by beckywicks 05:29 Archived in New Zealand Comments (0)

Back in the world of blogging...

Sub head? Since when do posts have subheads?

48 °C

Ahem. I have been away. And now, I am back. I've had a few blogs in the past but the last one, my most treasured Princess Bex endeavor died a miserable death along with my rights to freedom of speech, when I moved to Dubai. I took up writing facebook notes but apparently times have changed so much, that now I can write here and upload to facebook at THE SAME TIME. Amazing.

Now, I have to remember how to blog. How to put pictures in it, and even more excitingly, videos. Whoop!! The joys of modern day living. OH ME OH MY. Of course, the real reason for this swift re-introduction to the world of blogging is that I'm leaving Dubai for a couple of months with my man, to see a little bit of the world and in case all those glossy pretentious mags don't want to publish my stories, I'm going to make sure the ENTIRE WORLD WIDE WEB gets to see them instead.

Now,... I'm going to attempt to create of those map things to display our journey. Wish me luck.

P.S. I've just realised my Princessbex blog has been chopped by a higher power. There goes almost three years of senseless ramblings. Time to start again?

Posted by beckywicks 13:41 Archived in United Arab Emirates Comments (0)

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